Monday, 4 November 2013

Cambridge - city of cycles, chapels and colleges

I went to Cambridge last week to learn about paediatric epilepsy.

Am I wiser? I hope so

I spent the evening wandering around the town taking pictures.

I took a pleasant stroll along the River Cam.

I remember that last time I went to Cambridge was in December 2010 - the reason, part one of the epilepsy course. However that journey was just a one day. 

The time before that ? I think when I was in secondary school. I am sure during the German exchange week in 1991. I am sure we went on a punt ride and I am sure two of my school friends fell in the water!

The bee's knees

Bee's knees : something excellent, surpassingly wonderful or cool

Ania wondered when she started thinking that Sven was the bee's knees.

There was no specific moment - just a gradual process. Like the sun rising in the morning , the light creeping up on you and before you know it full bright beams soaking you in warmth and light.

Ania mused to herself

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways...

Your eyes, your smile
Your cheery countenance 
Your lips, your nose
Your sense of right and wrong
Your laugh
Your inability to be flustered
Your ability to make easy conversation
Your love of good food

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Dear Sven

A "Dear John letter" is a letter written to a husband or boyfriend by his spouse or significant other to inform him their relationship is over, usually because the author has found another lover.

Ania looks down at the letter that she is writing to Sven. She sighs, she does not want to do this but she cannot continue. There is nobody else - she is going from certainty to uncertainty with the stroke of her pen. However she needs to be brave...

Dear Sven

I am not sure that I can do this anymore.

Is it wrong to want to be in a relationship when the other person wants to hear from you ? Is it wrong to be in a relationship where the other person wants to know how you are, how your day was? I do not think I can deal with this lack of communication. This is the 21st century - this is how we roll.

I am not sure that I can face the future without the prospect of marriage or children. There are of course no guarantees in life but at least it would better to be with someone who is on the same page.

I don't think you are good for me.

If I am filled with doubt about you and me. If I do not smile about us anymore. If I am afraid to contact you in case it "annoys" you. I cannot be in that kind of relationship. I cannot. I need to feel loved and wanted.

So how do I get out of this?

I need to tell you.

I am afraid of being alone. This is what has blinded me to all these problems. However, now I can see that I need to be open to new possibilities. I should trust that there should be somebody out there for me that wants the same things that I do and wants them with me - that loves and cherishes me. After all, if you don't know after 18 months - what is the point. I knew after 6 months. It's as though I am waiting for you to catch up. But in my heart I wonder if you will ever feel the same. All around me - if you want someone you let them know. You let the world know - "she's mime!". I don't feel that you feel that way. I am not sure that I can live with the level of mediocre affection you offer me. Earth shattering - is something that I do not feel about your affections for me.

It's fine if you do not feel that way. You should be free to find the woman that does inspire these feelings in you. I will try and find someone who feels that way about me.

What is hurtful is that I actually think you are awesome, the bees knees. I just about adore you. I love the bones of you. It's what makes this thing so so very hurtful. To me, you are my number one. You are far far from perfect but I love you anyway. It's not something I can explain , it's not something I can understand. It is just a sense of peace that washes over me when I with you. However - real life is poking me in the side and reminding me of my life's dreams and that I should not let someone steal that from me. Neither should I block somebody else's dream.

So there it is - goodbye and good luck.

I love you